Here’s
the latest tea update, ladies (and gents)...
Achilles is still like really sad about his “friend” Patroclus dying and is hugging his corpse, you know, like you do when you’ve lost someone who you want to mix your ashes with when you die and all that.
And, then, Thetis appears with his new threads, which are like the pengest in the Greek army, and Achilles seems pretty grateful for his brand new shiny shiny shoes and shiny shiny helmet and shiny shiny leg greaves.
As Achilles sits there in his new shiny shiny shoes and shiny shiny helmet and shiny shiny leg greaves, he thinks to himself and wonders whether so much beef with Aggy is worth it, y’know, with his boy - FRIEND - now dead and everything :( so he calls a meeting of all the Greeks so they can work, work this out
Achilles says that he doesn’t want anymore tea to be spilled with Aggy anymore and they should be BFFL instead, but Aggy doesn’t want to accept any blame >:( appARENTly, it was all ZEUS and ATE who were *blinding him* and it couldn’t possibly have been him, because why would he ever be so cruel??
Bit snakey if you ask me sweaty :/
But Achilles, our man, is the bigger person and accepts his gifts, including the return of Briseis! Who’d have thunk it’d be that easy?!
But Achilles has some grieving issues and tries to get all the Achaeans to go fight, like, right now, but Odysseus protests that the troops need their second breakfast before they head off.
Achilles, being the drama queen that he is, decides that he isn’t going to eat or drink until he’s avenged his babe that is Patroclus *dramatic sobbing* but he eventually lets the others have a snacc after they’ve given Zeus a sister sacrificial sister snacc of his own.
When Briseis sees Patty’s body, she starts screaming and is proper upset, right, (but, probably, not as much as Achilles) because he was always rlly nice to her even though she was just a slave girl :( the Achaeans want Achilles to have some food for crying out loud because our boi needs some nourishing, but he’s being dramatic still and isn’t gonna eat. So Athena nips down and gives him some food proper sneaky like so he can actually fight! She’s good for some things :)
All the Achaeans decide they’re gonna suit up ready to kick some Trojan… backsides. Achilles puts on his shiny shiny new armour and he’s lookin' fly, but, then, his horse turns around and says he’s gonna die soon, but that today he’ll help to save him.
Bit of a double edged sword which makes Achilles Angry™ and he says that Xanthus is talking bull (har har get it because he’s actually a horse lol) and that doesn’t need to be told he’s going to die again, ugh let him live, Xanthus: he don’t have long left.
He rides out to battle in his shiny shiny shoes and shiny shiny helmet and shiny shiny leg greaves and he looks fantastic as he’s about to avenge his bae, but there’s an explicit undertone of Achilles not being in control of his own destiny and of the demanding toll that war takes upon the youth as well as the idea that mortals are merely puppets to be used by the divine in whatever way they choose.
In conclusion, thank you for coming to my TED talk, and Patroclus deserved better.
Achilles is still like really sad about his “friend” Patroclus dying and is hugging his corpse, you know, like you do when you’ve lost someone who you want to mix your ashes with when you die and all that.
And, then, Thetis appears with his new threads, which are like the pengest in the Greek army, and Achilles seems pretty grateful for his brand new shiny shiny shoes and shiny shiny helmet and shiny shiny leg greaves.
As Achilles sits there in his new shiny shiny shoes and shiny shiny helmet and shiny shiny leg greaves, he thinks to himself and wonders whether so much beef with Aggy is worth it, y’know, with his boy - FRIEND - now dead and everything :( so he calls a meeting of all the Greeks so they can work, work this out
Achilles says that he doesn’t want anymore tea to be spilled with Aggy anymore and they should be BFFL instead, but Aggy doesn’t want to accept any blame >:( appARENTly, it was all ZEUS and ATE who were *blinding him* and it couldn’t possibly have been him, because why would he ever be so cruel??
Bit snakey if you ask me sweaty :/
But Achilles, our man, is the bigger person and accepts his gifts, including the return of Briseis! Who’d have thunk it’d be that easy?!
But Achilles has some grieving issues and tries to get all the Achaeans to go fight, like, right now, but Odysseus protests that the troops need their second breakfast before they head off.
Achilles, being the drama queen that he is, decides that he isn’t going to eat or drink until he’s avenged his babe that is Patroclus *dramatic sobbing* but he eventually lets the others have a snacc after they’ve given Zeus a sister sacrificial sister snacc of his own.
When Briseis sees Patty’s body, she starts screaming and is proper upset, right, (but, probably, not as much as Achilles) because he was always rlly nice to her even though she was just a slave girl :( the Achaeans want Achilles to have some food for crying out loud because our boi needs some nourishing, but he’s being dramatic still and isn’t gonna eat. So Athena nips down and gives him some food proper sneaky like so he can actually fight! She’s good for some things :)
All the Achaeans decide they’re gonna suit up ready to kick some Trojan… backsides. Achilles puts on his shiny shiny new armour and he’s lookin' fly, but, then, his horse turns around and says he’s gonna die soon, but that today he’ll help to save him.
Bit of a double edged sword which makes Achilles Angry™ and he says that Xanthus is talking bull (har har get it because he’s actually a horse lol) and that doesn’t need to be told he’s going to die again, ugh let him live, Xanthus: he don’t have long left.
He rides out to battle in his shiny shiny shoes and shiny shiny helmet and shiny shiny leg greaves and he looks fantastic as he’s about to avenge his bae, but there’s an explicit undertone of Achilles not being in control of his own destiny and of the demanding toll that war takes upon the youth as well as the idea that mortals are merely puppets to be used by the divine in whatever way they choose.
In conclusion, thank you for coming to my TED talk, and Patroclus deserved better.
Comments
Post a Comment